Looking Forward & Never Looking Back

I know I am a little late, but 2017 has finally come to an end. We are in the third week of the new year and I must say it isn’t too bad, yet.

2017 was one hell of a year! I’m sure not only for me, but for those around me as well. For the last few weeks, I have been reflecting on all of the things that has happened in the last year – good and bad. And I must give myself props for making it through another year. It has been a tough one and not many know that about my life. I am a pretty private person, even with friends. But I’ve learned that I should not always keep everything to myself – for the sake of my mind and emotions.

Being a Pisces, we are really, really emotional human beings. We live through emotions and we make it pretty obvious when we are feeling some type of way. In 2017, I’ve learned that I am not that great at hiding my feelings so it gives people the opportunity to know that something is wrong. I am so used to bottling up all of my feelings inside that I literally would drive myself insane with my own thoughts. I’d stay up at night or get a really small amount of sleep. Some days, I wasn’t going to work because I didn’t have that motivation or I would just show up really late. I wasn’t being as social as I wanted to be – I chose to be alone. My health didn’t feel up to par – I wasn’t eating as healthy as I was trying to or working out as often or at all. I’d take long drives to who knows where just to listen to music, sometimes I’d cry and try to clear my mind. I liked being alone but then again, I didn’t. It was a different kind of “alone”. Even though I have really good friends, I felt like I had nobody. It was me against the world in my eyes.

I have been through a ton of shit this year. I feel like I say that every year though, lol. But this past year has really been a tough one. I wasn’t sure where I stood in many different areas of my life. I never took the time to map things out, talk things over with people or figure out what was wrong with me. I felt like I was going down that same road of depression I’ve felt years ago. I knew something needed to be done. I needed to make changes. So there I was, ridding of all of the toxins from my life. I’ve let go of friends, grown closer to the ones I’ve cherished, I’ve been mentally back and forth about my growing career and had a few set backs with life in general.

Lots of mistakes were made on my end as well. I’ve learned from them, grown and vouched to never make the same mistake twice. I’ve lost myself this last year, but also gained a lot of strength with it. Nothing is worse than feeling like you’re alone or not doing the right things in life. But it is up to you and I to make those changes for ourselves. If we are not willing to help ourselves, who will? The mistakes I’ve made this year has changed my entire life – every aspect of my life at that. I am learning to respect myself more but also others around me that I love. It’s a learning and growing process but love and patience will help all of us through it all.

Although I will not get into detail about what has happened in 2017, I just know that this year (2018), I will be more vocal with my feelings instead of hiding them all the time. I’m not saying I will blurt out my business to everyone around me, but I will be more direct on how I feel or what I’m thinking to those that need to know. I refuse to let anyone let me believe I am worth less than what I really am – I am priceless and one of a kind. I say that with a lot of confidence too. Even when life kicks me in the butt and wants me to stay down on the ground, I refuse to do so. This year, I am  becoming a better version of myself – stronger and wiser, with more confidence and courage. People will see the changes for sure.

2017 wasn’t always bad – there were some good parts to it as well. One of my girlfriends whom I consider as a sister had her first child. Birthing your own child is a beautiful thing, but just knowing people close to you become new parents is just as special. I love her daughter just like I do with Kylie. My daughter also turned 4 this year! How time flies for us! I can’t believe how intelligent she has become in just 4 years. She talks so much – sometimes I feel like my ears have fallen off without me knowing it, lol! She knows when I am in a mood, but she doesn’t ever put me down for it. Kylie is such a caring little human being and it melts my heart that she is such a sensitive but caring soul. Although she is a Scorpio, she is definitely part Pisces somewhere in there. She is just as emotional and sensitive as me – but sometimes I think it’s a good thing.

I’ve also grown closer to people whom I’ve been friends/family with for years and they have helped me out so much this last year. There were times where I would be up at 3 or 4am and I always had someone to vent to if needed. There were many times where advice was given to me when I needed it most. I truly appreciate my small circle – their efforts, friendship, concerns for my mental and emotional health and caring souls never, ever go unnoticed.

2018 is the year for growth! We all must take the time to write down realistic goals that we can accomplish this year. Even if you didn’t get to accomplish all of your goals from 2017, roll them over into the new year. Don’t let another one of your goals fall behind. I plan on working on myself this year. It is the year to be a little more selfish as well – and that’s okay! Sometimes we all need to push the restart button and start all over. Find new activities to participate in, new recipes to try – healthy ones especially, work on being more social if that is what you desire, go after your dream job or home as well.

Back in December, I wrote out a list of goals for this year alone and I am determined to at least achieve 90% of them. Now that my daughter is older, I need to set an amazing example for her, even when I am not having a good day. I have to show her how to be a strong woman in a cruel world, how to stand your ground and what to do if life throws you lemons. Yes, she is only 4, but it’s best to teach them young. I want her to know that her mommy is a fighter and an achiever. I am independent, smart and worthy – and she will be too.

2018 is the year to look forward to all positive things coming our way and to never look back.

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